


A Mephisockathan Joke Slash Fic

by SummerRae



Category: Sockathan - Fandom, Welcome to Hell - All Media Types, w2h
Genre: Multi, W2H - Freeform, Wecome to hell, Welcome to hell- all media types
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-04-30 13:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5165153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerRae/pseuds/SummerRae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, Jonathan finally killed himself. About time, amirite? Sock is hella psyched to have him in Hell but Jon is psyched for a different reason: he ships MephiSock like there's no tomorrow. Meph may get salty somewhere in here but don't we all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Ship

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Welcome to Hell](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/154142) by Erica Wester. 



> My dear, sweet, wonderful readers, welcome to my slashfic. While this is a joke fic, I completely love this fandom so please don't feel offended by my sarcastic tone. I'm not out to make anyone feel bad, just share some laughs. Have fun while reading but please be aware of this WARNING: there IS some sexual content (including mention of BDSM) and they ARE in hell, so just know what you're getting yourself into. Thanks for reading.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, Jonathan finally killed himself. About time, amirite? Sock is hella psyched to have him in Hell but Jon is psyched for a different reason: he ships MephiSock like there's no tomorrow. Meph may get salty somewhere in here but don't we all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear, sweet, wonderful readers, welcome to my slashfic. While this is a joke fic, I completely love this fandom so please don't feel offended by my sarcastic tone. I'm not out to make anyone feel bad, just share some laughs. Have fun while reading but please be aware of this WARNING: there IS some sexual content (including mention of BDSM) and they ARE in hell, so just know what you're getting yourself into. Thanks for reading.

Hello, world, my name is Jonathan Combs and I'm going to tell you the story about how I convinced the demon that haunted me until I killed my self and his boss to frick.

The first day I got to Hell, Sock, the demon that haunted me until I killed myself, took me to his boss's office. This guy's name was Mephistopheles, apparently. Don't know why we can't just call him Satan but whatever, it's not my business anyway. 

So, this Mephistopheles guy says to me, "Jonathan, it's nice to finally meet you. Welcome to Hell." And then, he turns to Sock and he says, "Sock, nice job reeling your first in. I see big things in your future." Like, woah, I mean did you feel that sexual tension while reading this? Like, what even does that mean, big things? Does he mean his dick in Sock's ass? Like?

I'm getting carried away, though. In the weeks to come, I had seen more and more of these two together and let me tell you--the supportive hand on Sock's shoulder, the sly looks at one another, the accidentally running face first into Mephistopheles's ass--these two wanted each other, they just didn't know it, yet. And it was my job to show them. Currently, though, that would be a bit challenging seeing as we were back in Meph's office because of the whole Sock-running-face-first-into-his-ass-thing. 

"Do you two know why you're in my office right now?" He asked us. 

"Because Sock ran face first into your ass?" I replied. 

"Close." He stated. "You're here because I gave Sock the week off to teach you the ropes of demoning and all you do is mess around all day."

"Meph, please, I was teaching him to fly." Explained Sock. 

Mephistopheles closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed--probably out of lust.

"Just... just be more careful, okay? You can go." Oh. My God. Ohmygod. He let Sock off the hook. Oh, he so wants it. Gotta think fast. How do I get them alone together? 

"Hey, uh... before we go... I, uh. I'm having a housewarming party in my demon hole--,"

"Your apartment?" Asked Sock.

"Yeah, that, and you two are invited. Tonight."

"I... I don't know, kid." Meph nervously checked his nails. "I have a lot of work to get done. I'm pretty busy."

"Aw, come on, you can take one night off." Sock smiled like the precious cinnamon roll he is.

Meph sighed again. "Fine, I guess so."

OOOOOHHHH, they're going to fuck in my apartment tonight!

Over the next few hours, I went over every detail I could to make the frick-frack go down. I prepared afrodesiacs, set the mood lighting, rearranged my furniture so they'd have to sit together, and, finally, made an excuse for myself to leave in the middle of the meal. The excuse was laxatives. I ate, like, fifty. 

Sock was the first to arrive and the first thing he said to me was, "Why did you light so many candles? Just turn on the lights." And he reached for the switch but I slapped his hand away because I'm not about to give this planning up. But the thing is, he gave me this dirty look so I had to give him an explanation so here goes nothing. 

"I'm allergic to light that comes from light bulbs." I explained as I stared, unflinching, into the void.

He reached up and patted my head. "You're my favorite straight friend, you dumb, little, blond, dead cat."

What I responded with was, "I'm bigger than you and I'm not even a natural blond." But that was only because I didn't have the heart time tell him that I'm bi. He takes pride in having a stereotypical straight friend. 

After I managed to get Sock a little tipsy, Mephistopheles arrived. He doesn't get drunk easily, I've found. 

Everything was going well, though. Sock was just drunk enough to be horny, some of the mood light candles were going out, Mephistopheles agreed to eat his steak despite having no need for nourishment, and I had to shit. Yes, the laxatives were kicking in and it was my chance to leave them to their sexy times.

I had to book it for the bathroom but after half-an-hour of grueling agony, it was time to peak in on my guests and see if they were doing their jobs. 

Now, at this point, I almost fainted and I can explain why by giving you a layout of the scene. Most of the candles were out, the dishes were missing from the table, Sock was asleep on the couch, and Mephistopheles was gone. 

I ran to Sock and slapped him until he woke up. "What happened?" I asked. "Where'd Meph and my plates go?" 

"He left. We washed them." Sock answered curtly before rolling over to go back to sleep. 

I thought it was all going perfectly. They were so going to fuck. What happened?

"What did you two do while I was in the bathroom?"

"After, like, five minutes of hearing your horrible toilet noises, we figured you weren't coming out for a while so we cleaned up and had a quicky. Then, he left and I fell asleep."

Wait...

"What?"

"I fell asleep." He slurred into the pillow, obviously getting annoyed with me."

"No, the second one."

He flipped over to face me. "Oh, yeah, sorry, we fucked on your couch. We were gonna ask if you wanted to join in but, you know: diarrhea, straightness."

"Oh, no, that's perfectly fine." I must've been smiling like an idiot. "I'd love to join in sometime anyway." I continued, not thinking.

"You what?" Sock yelped, wide awake, now.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot you didn't know. I'm bi."

"My one straight friend." He was actually tearing up. 

"Sock--,"

"Don't speak to me."

"This is worse than when I came out to my parents."

"I am so mad at you but while we're here, let's schedule a threesome day. Wednesday?" Tears were actually streaming down his face.

"Sock, calm down."

"Wednesday it is."

Mission accomplished, I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of these characters. They were created by our lort, Erica Wester.


	2. The Butt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think all you really need to know is that someone has a thing for booties and also Doritos are involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the thing, readers. I did not anticipate posting this story on the Internet. In fact, the decision to do so was made the day that I posted the first chapter. The original intention for these misadventures was to be a fun time for my friends so I have REFERENCED a vine in here that you won't get unless you see it. I'll put it at the beginning of the chapter so be sure to watch and probably use headphones. As always, I have my WARNINGS about sexual content and the fact that they're in hell. Thanks for reading!

This is the link to the vine that is to be referenced later in the chapter. If you wish to understand this reference, I recommend that you watch it (also that you use headphones). https://vine.co/v/edWYBpxuwVA

 

Where did we leave off? Oh, yeah, mission accomplished, scheduled the threesome for Wednesday, Sock was crying, all that. 

The threesome never really happened. I guess Meph was busy or something. Whatever. It's not like I feel rejected or anything... he did give me a job, though, so that's alright, I guess. I'm alphabetizing the Hall of Crippling Phobias, which, I mean, is alright, I guess. For the most part it's pretty boring but I do get a short coffee break and sometimes we meet up and discuss what Sock is like as a fuck buddy.

Now, I'm not one to kiss and tell but I am one to viciously spread rumors about people and, let me tell you, Sock has an ass fetish. But we'll get to that later. 

As of right now, I was in the break room and Meph had this suspiciously uncharacteristic whale-tale/crop top/yoga pants thing going on and he kept bending over to grab things that he "accidentally" dropped on the floor. 

He let out a nice, testosterone-filled grunt as he arched his back and looked up at me from between his legs as he bent over. "Jon, you're, like, super gay, right?" He batted his eyelashes. 

"I suppose so." I replied, trying to look anywhere but dat ass.

"You know, that is just great." At this point, he somehow managed to completely bypass any law of physics I've ever known, and come full circle by continuing the stretch until he was upright again but his face was on the same side as his ass. Now, I've heard Sock tell sex tales about this but I don't think I ever actually believed them. 

"Why's that?"

"Well," He turned his torso 180° so that he was back to a normal-ISH body. Gingers can never be completely normal, "Sock still wants to have that threesome; you know, the one you bailed on, and--"

"Wait, the one I bailed on? You were the one who was too busy."

"I was the--who told you that?"

"Sock."

"Sock? Oh..."

"What?"

"I was afraid this would happen."

"Stop playing games with me, Dorito, what's going on with Sock?"

And he didn't answer. Because he disappeared. I didn't hear from Meph for two days and two nights. But on the third morning, he rose. So did Sock. What I'm saying here is that they both returned with raging boners. I'm down for succ anytime so whatever FLOATS THEIR BOATS!!1! Get it??

Okay, so, anyway, what happened was we all fucked, and I'll spare the more intimate details for all you sex repulsed individuals out there but here is a high light toward the end of round one. 

I personally think I'm hilarious and I love to reference vines so here we go. When Meph was sucking Sock off, I was just sort of hanging out and enjoying the view since I already came but I was more or less just daydreaming. So, Sock kind of lets out a moan and I go--and it killed me not to laugh while saying this but I go, "What happened? Did you get and Dorito stuck in your dickhole?"

And Sock actually got it so he replies, "...I spilled some milk." And I look down to see Meph spitting out Sock's cum and I nearly cried laughing. But now that that's over, let's get back to the juicy details if the mystery behind Sock's hesitation and by juicy, I mean Meph's moist ass.

You see, Sock has erectile dysfunction, apparently, and the only way for him to undysfunction himself is to, you guessed it (or not), run face first into Meph's ass. The smell turns him on. 

"But why, of all things, does that get you off?" I asked him. 

To which he replied, "Don't knock it til you try it." And waved me over. 

So, I put my face into another man's ass, and I have to say, it wasn't horrible. The scent was even a little familiar. 

"Sock, I feel like I've smelled this before." I told him.

"Do you spend a lot of time up there?" He replied. 

"No, I just," I sniffed again and Meph tensed, "I feel like I've eaten something with this smell before."

"What, like ass?" Meph sassed.

"No, like... I dint know, I remember having it with Mountain Dew... while wearing a fedora. Oh--," 

And that's when it hit me. The Dorito Man had a literal Dorito ass.

Throughout the rest of the threesome session, it was explained to me that, not only was Meph king of Hell, but also Eternal Punisher of the Fuckboys. And all the Doritos are literally just his shit.

When we all parted ways, he asked me for some of those laxatives that I had for my housewarming party and that was the last time we spoke in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still own none of these characters that were created by the one true precious bun, Erica Wester.


	3. The Razors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They fight and then they don't. Isn't lust wonderful?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The BDSM mention is in this chapter, so there's your WARNING for that. As always, there is some sexual content and they're in Hell, just so you're aware. Thanks, readers, for coming with me on this wild ride.

Sock and I were hanging out on our fuck couch for probably the millionth time this week because there's honestly, tbh, tbhonest, to be h, nothing to do in hell. Like, I don't know how a place filled with such fun people (i.e. murderers, adulterers, glutonists...) could be so boring. Granted, most of them were being eternally tortured so none of them really have the time to make any fun attractions, but you'd think there'd be something.

We asked Meph, Lord of the Dorito Ass, what he does for fun here and all he said was, "I fuck you losers and that's about it... Oh, yeah, I shit triangular chips. What a joy life is." And went back to his paperwork. I think I saw him cry just a little bit but that's besides the point. 

So, seeing as we both had some time off, Sock and I decided to have a fuckle session but even that gets tiring after a while. So, here we were, on my couch in our underwear, fresh scars and bite marks all over our bodies, watching the hellfire burn outside. 

"This is worse than watching an infomercial." Sock complained. 

"Maybe this intense boredom is the true torture if Hell."

I literally didn't even have the emotional energy to slap Sock in the face with my dick.

"You know," I started a new thought, "I feel like Meph doesn't like me."

Sock looked up at me, confused and still a bit dazed, "Why do you say that?"

"Well, according to you, we're all in a polyamorous relationship but I feel like we haven't really spoken in months."

"You've only been dead for, like, five weeks, Jon."

"Oh, my sweet shit, I'm losing track of time down here."

"Heh. Your shit is sweet and his is cheesy."

"Not the time."

Sock gave me a dirty look. "Maybe it's salty."

"I literally cannot believe you just called me salty."

And that's when Sock and I had our first couple fight. My fresh wounds still burned but I managed to toss him out of the apartment and throw his clothes after him.

For a few days, I didn't know who to go to but I finally figured it was time. I had to go see Meph.

When I stepped into his office, he glanced down at me from a filing cabinet about 100 yards up and floated down to greet me. "Hey, Sugar Shit."

I could only assume Sock told him everything. 

So, we talked about it and he said to just give Sock some time and that he'd come around. But then. Then, I somehow felt brave enough to ask Meph why he behaved so indifferently to me and the answer may surprise you. 

There was no answer. That son of a bitch knew exactly what he was doing and he didn't even flinch. He just floated upward, keeping eye contact until I left, like, I'm going to murder him. 

Eventually, Sock did come around like he said but, I mean, what's his deal?

About a week after bae's return, I asked him about Meph again and this time, he was a little more chill about it. 

"He's jealous," Sock told me.

"Of what? My eternally lanky limbs?"

"Close. You see, you died without pubic hair, so you're eternally without. Let's just say, if he's self concious of his curtains, he's bound to hate his drapes."

"Are you actually telling me that he is so cold to me because of his pubic hair?"

"That is what I'm telling you." 

And in that moment, I knew exactly what to do. You see, Sock and I have been experimenting with BDSM, hence the scars, and in our "bag of goodies," we have some razors. And those razors were the keys to Meph's heart. 

We barged though that office door and he greeted us with a sleep deprived, "Sugar Shits and Cinnamon Buns, my two problematic favs."

To which I replied, "Sit down, Dorito Ass, you're in for a wild ride."

And within the hour, Mephistopheles, the king of Hell, the Eternal Punisher of the Fuckboys had silky, smooth genitals. He even had Sock suck him off to try the new lack of blockage out while he thanked me which probably took the whole five minutes it lasted. 

"So, is this eternal, or--," I started asking.

"I don't even remember how long it lasts but I'm telling you, this is amazing." He was lunging all over his office at this point. "What do you say we all take the next few days off and try this out some more."

So, my polyamorous relationship was fixed and it was all due to a razor and--

"You know, I'm still really mad at you." Sock mumbled as we walked through my apartment door.

"Why's that?" I replied. 

"You were my only stereotypical straight friend and now you're super gay." He started crying about it again.

"We've fucked, like, fifty times since I came out to you." I started lubing up.

"Yeah, kid, I feel like you're just going to have to get over that one." Meph joined in.

At this point, Sock was using his tears as lube. 

"Sock, that's not going to work."

"Don't tell me what I can't do, traitor!" Snot was pouring out of his nose. He added that to the mix.

"I don't want your snot in my ass, Sock." I told him. 

"It's not like your cum is any cleaner!" He yelled back.

And I was about to pounce but Meph pulled him close and shushed our precious cinnamon roll as he lowered Sock's face onto his dick snd all was well. Soon, my own dick was covered in Dorito cheese dust and I knew that this relationship would be a good. Not three good. Not two good. But one good. After all, we WERE all one. It's like the human centipede up in this shit.

I mean, for a moment, I thought of my pastor and I felt, like, a little bit bad, bit it's still all good. I had two new pastors now and their names were Dorito Ass and Sock's Dick and that's all I'll ever need. 

Shit, this is a horrible ending. I guess I should also mention here that every time you get a mosquito bite, the reason it itches is because it's Meph's cum in there and that I found that out the hard way but this is the end of the story so I can't further explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for making it to the end of this trash! I hope you enjoyed and got a laugh out of it. I'd like to point out again that these characters don't belong to me, but to the great Erica Wester.

**Author's Note:**

> I reserve no rights to these characters created by our lort, Erica Wester. Thanks for reading!


End file.
